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I just re read all the articles I have written for and it is quite a strange journey to read my words so long after I originally wrote them. Sometimes I got it right and sometimes I got it wrong. My wife used to shake her head and head off to the fridge to open a bottle of wine and say to me " Jake, Monty is never going to print that. " I would then sit at the computer and type away and listen to the glug from the kitchen and I would yell out the odd " Oiy! Where's my beer? " just in case I could get away with it. 

Sometimes, she would come in, slam a stubbie down on the table and saunter off. Other times she would come in and give me a wake up call and say  " get it yourself you lazy bastard. " Still it was worth a try.

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The one thing that she never gets shitty about is when something needs doing around the place. Then, she comes in, sweet as pie and says to me " honey, you know how clever you are.... " and I can tell immediately that she is on the sleech for me to fix something . 

And I fix it. A leaky tap, a toilet gone wrong, a cupboard door swinging on its' hinges or the air conditioner filters that need cleaning, old Jake is always ready to rise to the challenge. I only ever have to be asked nicely and I will stir my " lazy arse " as she sweetly says, and do what I am asked to do. 

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She doesn't understand why I don't see the tap dripping or the toilet that is stuck on permanent flush. Why I don't notice that the lawn needs mowing or that there is a snake in the drawer of the chest of drawers in the bedroom. 

It isn't that I don't notice stuff.  It's more that we are an equal opportunity couple. My wife sees a problem and I fix it. Perfect harmony. 

Getting back to my reflections on 2020.  It has been a prick of a year. Some of my thoughts were wildly off course - like Big Mike being the VP selection. Boy did I get that wrong. Never in a million years would I have picked Camel Toe Harris, the horizontal Hoe down ( not sure about the correct spelling of that word and I am not referring to a gardening implement ) Hootananny hottie who hails from Jamaica and and India and would have blokes like me castrated and hung out to dry before I could say " Oiy. Where's my beer? "


I never picked that the elections in America would turn out to be like a night at the circus when the transgender clowns, hairy legged liberals and lying low lifes would commit fraud on such a level that it is off the richter scale.

Never would I have thought that a lady eating a bat in Wuhan would warp speed us in to a nightmare that makes a leaky toilet look like a day at the park; or that a visit to a care home could become a visit to hell.

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No way did I see America burning, riots raging and that knife wielding wankers could turn our Nations in to countries of communist cowards and  co hosts to Chinese Chop Sticks - where we get the chop with Chinese sticks unless something changes pronto.

In fact, 2020 was such a shitty year that I wish it could be cancelled and we could start again. 

But one thing is still the same. My wife still calls me a lazy bastard;  I still don't see the jobs that need doing; I still drink beer and my wife still gives me a clip around the ear for being a prick.

And I stll do what I am told.

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And Trump is still a master hunter with a boomerang. 

My prediction for 2021? 

Trump will slay the beast or ............................... we are all in for a hell on earth in 2021.

I still put my wager on Trump.

If I am wrong, my wife giving me a clip around the ears will be the least of my problems.

But at least the toilet doesn't leak. 



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