By Roderick (Whiskers) McNibble, Investigative Laundrologist - “Warning: The following article is satire and uses exaggeration and humour to make a point. Not intended as literal fact.”
Dusty Gulch, 2025 – In a world where truth is hung out to dry and speech is tumble-dried into compliance, the Dusty Gulch branch of the Country Women’s Association has had enough. Armed with pegs, petticoats, and an encrypted washboard, they’ve launched a daring resistance movement - one laundry tip at a time.
Leading the charge is none other than Dorothy “Dot” Snellgrove, president of the Dusty Gulch CWA and former codebreaker for the local Bingo Association. “If you can’t say it outright,” she says, “embroider it on a tea towel and peg it on the line.”
Dusty Gulch Tavern regular until he was caught with an air trumpet in his left boot, Benedict “Bruiser” Arnold (local roo shooter and enemy of Mayor Dusty McFookit ) claims he was only “documenting local sock sorting techniques for the Pentagon and helping out with hearing aids.” CWA sources allege he was attempting to livestream Doris McLintock’s sheet folding strategy. Local Cop Bushie McBush said investigations were ongoing and local emus were helping with enquiries.
“Benedict always was more rinse than reason,” says tavern owner Alfie O'Poddy. “You don’t sneak into the CWA washing tent unless you’re prepared to be hung out like a rug.”
Laundry Tips for Online Survival:
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Always hang your truth inside-out. Algorithms tend to iron out nuance. Keep your intentions on the seam.
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Double-peg dissent. One gust of policy change and your thoughts are down the street in the AI’s compost bin.
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Soak overnight in satire. Removes stains from sincerity while leaving the fabric of meaning intact.
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Use lavender codes. Floral-scented fabric softener has been known to disrupt facial recognition drones (unconfirmed).
In times like these, the humble Hills Hoist becomes a beacon. A semaphore of sanity. A reminder that resistance doesn’t always wear combat boots - sometimes, it wears aprons and has excellent scone recipes.
The revolution may not be televised, but by golly, it’ll be line-dried and smell good. ( quote - Redhead - ancient scholar of clothesline etiquette)
“George Washing-Ton: Hanging Out the Truth Since 1776”
Before he was the first President of the United States, he was the first to peg out resistance on the line. George Washing-ton, known in select laundromats and coded sewing circles as “The Agitator”, is being hailed by the Dusty Gulch CWA as the original spin doctor, literally.
“He didn’t just cross the Delaware, or Thomson as we like to call it here ” explains CWA stalwart Dot ( Sugar Gee ) Snellgrove, “he wrung out tyranny, hung it up to dry, and pressed for liberty. All while starching his breeches.”
The Washing-ton Doctrine:
According to recently unbleached scrolls found under Doris McLintock’s ironing board, the Washing-ton Doctrine outlined five principles of revolutionary laundry:
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Separate the Reds – Especially the foreign ones.
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Pre-soak the Past – History needs a good rinse before repeating itself.
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Never fold under pressure.
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Use hot water on cold tyrants.
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Every line tells a story. Hang yours with pride.
Local schoolchildren are now taught the legend of General Wash, who single-handedly declared war on stains and oppression.
As we stare down another age of digital dirt, perhaps it’s time we returned to the line.
Not the party line. Not the fibre-optic one. The humble clothesline - stretched across the backyard of history, holding fast to the fabric of who we are.
The State of the Nation: Damp.
Reports indicate the current Australian government may be folding under foreign pressure.
“The leadership’s been spun so many times,” said local laundress Marylou McPhee, “even the stains of accountability have faded.”
The CWA is rallying. Their message is clear:
“If you’re wet behind the ears, we’ll wring you out. If you’re full of fluff, we’ll lint-roll your legacy. And if you’re tracking dirt into the house of democracy - you will be hosed down.”
A symbolic rug-thrashing ceremony is planned on the steps of Parliament (or at least outside the Dusty Gulch town hall). The rugs, known as “Policy Piles,” represent broken promises, environmental backflips, and any sentence that starts with “In the interest of national security…”
George Washing-ton’s Legacy Lives On
Would the Father of Fabric Freedom put up with soggy leadership?
“He faced redcoats, not red tape,” says Whiskers.
Until leadership hangs clean and clear on the line of liberty, the Dusty Gulch CWA remains vigilant, starching their values, scrubbing their metaphors, and preparing to give any politician foolish enough to leave their policy undies lying around… a good public thrashing.
There was a time when decency was scrubbed, morals were mop-rung, and the only thing swept under the carpet… was the carpet itself.
Back then, Australian housewives wielded carpet beaters like sceptres, swinging justice beneath Hills Hoists strung tight with terry towelling and political common sense. Rugs got flogged. So did lies.
Now, with Parliament looking more like a sock draw of mismatched promises, Dusty Gulch is dusting off its past - and its brooms. Dot Snellgrove, CWA Matriarch, Lays It Out Flat:
“We didn’t survive two world wars, polio, and home perms just to be governed by damp dishcloths in taxpayer suits.”
“This mob sucks,” she snorts, “but not nearly as well as a Hoover. If you can't clean up your act, don't be surprised when we take you out back and bash the dust off your policies.”
The Hills Hoist Tribunal:
Every Sunday afternoon, behind the Dusty Gulch Memorial Hall, the women gather beneath the sacred rotary clothesline. It spins not only sheets - but justice.
CWA Calls to Action:
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Beat Your Rug, Not Around the Issue
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Soak the Senate in Accountability
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Iron Out the Wrinkles in Government
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And Never, Ever Trust a Politician Who Can’t Fold a Fitted Sheet
As Dusty Gulch McFookit Burger joint regular, Frank ( Shit in the ) Woods said " If truth must be aired, let it flap proudly like Grandpa’s Y-fronts on a windy day. And if leadership continues to collect dust, it’s time to give the nation a good ol’ Dusty Gulch once-over."
Final Rinse from Roderick McNibble:
“We’ve tried spin. We’ve tried dry clean only. Maybe it’s time we returned to the backyard truth-wringer. A blue bag in every basket. A clothesline in every conscience.”
Because in Dusty Gulch, nothing gets swept under the rug unless that rug’s had a proper beating first.
This is Roderick (Whiskers ) McNibble signing out. After a few beers with a Fly and a vampire.....has anyone seen my sink spanner?
This article is satire. It uses humour, exaggeration, and a sprinkle of cheekiness to make a point. It’s not meant to be taken literally or as factual reporting. If you’re looking for straight news, this ain’t it. But if you enjoy a good laugh and a bit of honest reflection, you’re in the right place.
