• If a dude pretends to be a woman, we’re required to pretend with him. • It’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America. • Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegal Mexicans voting in our elections are good. • It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the president of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.
• Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote. • People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves. • Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous. • People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees. • Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated. • Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome. • $5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care is not. • If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free. • People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female president. • We see other countries going socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us. • Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they’re doing right now. • Criminals are catch-and-released to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because it’s a violation of their rights. * . . . And pointing out all this hypocrisy somehow makes us racists!
