Patriot Realm

I hate to rabbit on about the toilet paper apocalypse but I have to, on this occasion, highlight something that I feel is so morally and legally dangerous that it must be spoken about.

Unity Water, who controls all of the South East Queensland water supply, responded with a rather peculiar plea : wet wipes are rubbish. Put them in the bin.

Of course, most people with half a brain would know that flushing anything but toilet paper down a loo is a rather stupid thing to do. You don’t flush paper towels, baby nappies, newspaper or anything other than toilet paper down the toilet unless you want a rather large plumbing bill. Or have we become so dumbed down that we have to be told to do the most basic common sense things?

Like, oh, I don’t know, wash your hands?

But there is something much worse about this, in my old geriatric, fuddled boomer brain:

What about the poor bloody Garbos? ( For my American readers, Aussie slang for garbage collectors).

Here is an organisation, company, band of boofheads promoting wiping your bum and putting the offending piece of paper in the bin? Seriously?
Now that we are not allowed to use plastic bags, I wonder what the hell they are thinking.

If, hypothetically, we all put a bucket in our toilets, have our morning contemplation, wipe with the latest issue of the Guardian and discard the offending article into the receptacle aforementioned;  carry the bucket to the household waste bin and upend its contents into the bin for the garbos to collect… surely, surely, the truck will soon become rife with bugs and disease?

Will we see typhus or typhoid return?

I have to say that I think that this is one of the most irresponsible and reprehensible pieces of promoted advice I have ever read.

I flew on a particular Asian Airline once – 12 hours – the discarded fecal matter created a stench beyond belief within the toilet cubicle and the air must have been full of airborne coli…. Yet here is Unity Water promoting that very same thing?

I say again, The poor bloody Garbos.

Surely it would be appropriate to update the website and suggest that, given the current toilet paper shortage, if you have to use a wipe, newspaper, gum leaf or a paper towel, do not flush it down the loo, but place it in a PLASTIC bag ( horror! ) tie it off and then, only then, put it in the bin.

Because, these days, where common sense aint so common, and old fashioned LIFE Skills are lacking in the younger leftie leaning generation ( no, not all young people are dickheads)  who seem somehow delighted that the boomers are about to be annihilated, it might be a good idea to spell it out in language these poor useless young idiots can understand.

Don’t flush anything but toilet paper, poo and piss.

If you have to wipe with anything but toilet paper, don’t throw it in the bin without putting it in a biodegradable bag, available from this website, for a mere 15 cents or $15.00 for a thousand – plus postage and handling.

Hell, they could get on the band wagon, join the supermarkets and make a bloody fortune.

In fact, if the PR and Marketing division got their act together they could brand it with a whole new message:

Keep our Garbos safe!

In the meantime, I hope the Garbos have good union representation because I reckon they might just need it.