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Australia has decided it’s best to accelerate the production of a more capable, integrated, nuclear-powered submarine platform with the US and the UK. Apparently, this is going to keep us safe from those pesky Chinese. It has left the French legless with rage.

I can't see the CCP shaking in their boots at the thought of the mighty Australian navy in a decade or two. It's a funny thing but I doubt that it will matter a great deal if a few subs - whether they are powered by nuclear, diesel or a sturdy pair of scuba divers will worry China one jot. 

In my opinion, they could be powered by scuba diving frogs or kangaroos wearing aqualungs or Jacques Cousteau towing them with " Calypso " -  they could be powered by a legion of Greek seafarers or a herd of farting cows sporting deep-sea diving helmets - it won't matter.

They represent a blip on sonar and a mating whale couple on a hot tinder date would arouse more curiosity in the Chinese Navy than a few Aussie subs. And all for billions of dollars. 

I cannot help but remember the old movie with Kelsey Grammer called " Down Periscope " when an old diesel sub did in fact outwit the American Navy. It came down to the canny Captain to outsmart, outwit and outplay the enemy.  Something Aussies are pretty famous for in past theatres of war but only if they are allowed to use their Digger dastardliness and defy the dangerous dudes in their dugout line of fire.

In other words, outthink the enemy. 


It remains one of my all time favourite movies and could well be the best possible marketing ploys for an old-fashioned diesel sub.

We are not a powerful country in terms of warfare or military strength. We never had and never will be a nation of military might. Our population is too small. We may have a large landmass but we are not wealthy enough to mount a guard of the level that would be required to fight off China. 

All we can do is what we have always done: outthink the enemy and play sneaky buggers on them.

Our military has always run on stealth and courage. Not on the might of numbers, but the incredible stealth of thought. We do the unexpected and lie in wait. We have never won battles by being huge in numbers but by being massive in the art of sneaky. 

To think that we can protect ourselves by investing billions of dollars in nuclear or diesel submarines is a nonsense. 

No, we have to use our rat cunning and revert to what we do best. Hide in the undergrowth and use what I think was known as guerilla warfare. 

Our best strategy with China is to kill their investment here. Rescind their approvals for purchases. Cancel their ownership of ports. Cancel the leases of places like Keswick Island and the Port of Darwin and Newcastle. . Stop their importation of our coal and iron ore. After all, India would buy our minerals and they are a much friendlier country.

Be sneaky. Turn the tables. Prevent their warships coming into our harbours. Stop their imports and get back to coal-fired, gas-fired Australian manufacturing and tell them to take their slave labour created crap and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Not exactly guerilla warfare I grant you, but sneaky nonetheless.

In short, I think we're living in a yellow submarine and on some highly questionable substances if we think that a couple of nuclear submarines are going to scare Xi into a trembling jelly fit and make him think twice about invading us because we have a few submarines. 


The song was adopted as an anti-authority statement by the counterculture during Vietnam War demonstrations and was also appropriated in strike action and other forms of protest. Some listeners viewed the song as a code for drugs, particularly the barbiturate Nembutal which was sold in yellow capsules, or as a symbol for escapism.

" We all live in a Covid quarantine, a covid quarantine,  covid quarantine "

My own personal opinion is that it is the excuse needed to gently dip some toes in the water and get the average Aussie used to the idea of nuclear energy. If I am correct, then I see no problem with the subterfuge. 

However, to imagine that a couple of subs sneaking around the South Pacific in 15 years time ( or even five years time ) is going to keep us safe, you must be a member of Sgt Peppers Lonely Heart Club band and have been on some fanciful version of Lucy in the  Sky of or with Diamonds. It is not going to happen.

No. The only way we will keep safe is to accept that we are underfunded, undermanned and under-resourced to defend ourselves against the Chinese threat. And we have to accept it now because we have run out of that other thing called " time. "

Take the help of any ally ( as we have in the past ) and allow them to protect us so that we can become a fortress in the South Pacific. It is too late to fight the Panda Bear of Xi. We have left it too late. We need the Eagle of America and hope like hell we get a sane person back in the Whitehouse 

We need to tread water. But, in the meantime, spending billions on submarines and training our boys and girls to man them is an impossible task and a futile exercise. 

We ran out of time. 


No matter what submarine we buy or lease or acquire, they will be a mosquito on a very large panda - an irritant but hardly one that will cause much discomfort.

If we angered a frog along the way it really is no big deal. They got billions of dollars for doing sweet bugger all and we upset Macron. Oh dear, what a shame.

We seem to forget that we have a nuclear plant 31 kilometres from the heart of Sydney. Or is that an inconvenient truth?


 Former Prime Minister Paul Keating criticised the announcement as representing a further loss of Australian sovereignty.

The agreement for Australia “to move to a fleet of US supplied nuclear submarines will amount to a lock-in of Australian military equipment and thereby forces, with those of the United States with only one underlying objective: the ability to act collectively in any military engagement by the United States against China” Keating said.

“This arrangement would witness a further dramatic loss of Australian sovereignty, as material dependency on the United States robbed Australia of any freedom or choice in any engagement Australia may deem appropriate,” he said.

Well, Mr Keating we are already materially dependent on China for heavens sakes. And we were happy to have America's help in the Coral Sea and in so many battles in World War 2 I doubt that being reliant on their assistance now is that unfamiliar to us as a Nation. 

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said under that country’s legislation, the nuclear submarines would not be able to visit there.

Princess Xindy a self-proclaimed Marxist is not someone whose opinion is of a great deal of merit to me anyway so I don't suppose I mind that much. Not to mention that the way things are going, none of us will be visiting each other's country any time soon - whether it is by plane, a rowboat or a nuclear sub.

 Senate crossbencher Rex Patrick, a former submariner, said the decision on nuclear submarines should come under rigorous parliamentary scrutiny.

“I’ve been a strong critic of the French submarine deal. The delays and cost overruns are huge and unacceptable. But we have to be careful we don’t move from one massive procurement disaster into something else that hasn’t been thought through properly.”

Patrick said that “acquiring, operating and maintaining a nuclear submarine fleet without a domestic nuclear power industry is a challenge that must not be underestimated”.

Greens leader Adam Bandt attacked the decision, saying it was “a dangerous move that makes our country less safe by putting floating Chernobyls in the heart of our major cities, increasing the risk of conflict in our region and putting Australia in the firing line”.

 I think that there are a few people who would like Adam Bandt to walk the plank

Poor little Adam - does he not remember that the world will cease to exist in 10 years time if we don't stop breathing and kill all our farting cows? How will it matter if climate change is as dire as he insists it is? 


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That is all very well guys, but what is the alternative? Wait until 2050 and keep our fingers crossed that China doesn't do something naughty until we are ready? And then we could attack them with our subs? 

If I agree with anyone, it must be Rex Patrick.

I do not pretend to be an expert on submarines of any colour, ( Yellow submarines are just as nice as black submarines or pink submarines - I am no submarine racist ) but I have to say that when China can sail nuclear warships into Sydney Harbour unannounced ( as it did a while ago ) I doubt a few diesel or nuclear submarines is going to be of much use other than as a half time performance at a footy grand final.

Looks good and keeps the crowds happy.

When you watch this video, it makes you realise we may as well save the money and invest in Mandarin lessons or a prayer and a hope that America will regain its senses. 

Watch it and consider - is it worth the money? 


In fact, the more I think about it, maybe Kelsey Grammer's old diesel sub isn't so bad after all.  It would make for a much better half time entertainment at the footy than a lot of the rubbish they dish up these days.


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