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8I was walking past a pet shop and a sign in the window said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’
I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and said to the assistant...
”How Dutch is that moggie in the window?”


A very proud day for me today. I have just found out that I have been accepted for the London Medical School....
Only trouble is that they don't want me while I am alive.


Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork’s hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, “Let’s be avin’ da fingers and I’ll see what oi can do.”
Paddy said, “Oi haven’t got da fingers.”
“Whadda ya mean you haven’t got da fingers? Lord T’underin’ Jesus, it’s 2023! We’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn’t ya bring da fingers?”
And Paddy said, “How da **** was I ‘spose to pick dem up?”


 It's important to get out of the house every now and again to remind yourself why you don't go out.


Thieves burgled our house yesterday and stole our bed, duvet and pillows!!

I just hope they can sleep at night

There's an email going around offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can.
Do not open it, it's SPAM?

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