Paddy's Corner

Honestly some people will take offence at anything.
I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was" How are you getting on?:)

 Just had my first UFO experience!
Told the Missus, her cooking was terrible!
Flying saucers everywhere.

I was walking down my local high street today and saw written on one of the windows:
`Chicken dinner $2.00,'
I felt a bit hungry so I went inside and ordered the chicken dinner and they gave me a bag of bird seed. ???

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already...I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, "Well, well, at last a golfer with real balls!!"
So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.” 

 A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today…”
The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too”.
The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water
“Coming up,” says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.”
The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”
“Coming right up,” the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”
The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”

If anyone is interested. I am selling bite guards for aggressive Pelicans.
It's not going to make me rich but it covers the Bills…