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Any of you oldies out there, will remember The Goon Show, a brilliant British radio show from the 1950’s starring the comedic talents of Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Peter Sellars.

One of the characters was a chap called Moriarty who used poor Neddy Seagoon to carry out his dastardly plans by proxy. Moriarty would always start with “ Let me tell you a tale Neddy “ and off he would go, spinning his yarn of fantastical logic.

So, let me tale you a tale Neddy and see how we go. After all, I am not saying this - so don't come kncoking at my door hate Police. Not my fault. It is Neddy and Moriarty what done it. 



The Prime Minister of Canada discovers that his wife has corona virus. They self isolate for a few weeks. Tom Hanks gets Corona Virus and has to go to hospital in Australia.

Italy is pummelled by Corona Virus . … The Pope starts to isolate himself.

The appeal decision for Cardinal Pell is delayed 3 months. ( remember? He is the guy who was in charge of auditing the Vatican finances? ) Stays locked up?

Hollywood’s Harvey Weinstein is convicted of sex crimes and gets 23 years.

Bill Gates resigns as head of Microsoft. The Vatican Chief of Police resigns. There seems to be a rash of resignations from all over the world.

The world is becoming so panic stricken that toilet paper is the focus of so many people’s minds.

Toilet Paper.


So here is my surmise on what happened and 'ere it is it ain't got nuffinck to do wif me.

Moriarty begins his conversation with Neddy Seagoon.

“ Neddy, behind the scenes, a dastardly plot plays out and I need your help. “

Mr Seagoon, eager, as always to assist and do his best, listens and hears what Moriarty has to say.

“The number of suicides will increase. Plane accidents, tragic loss of life from those who chose to die rather than be exposed for being villainous vultures and the virtue signalling sycophants will wail and wallow in self pity, wondering when their time is up.

As the old dude on the street corner used to say “ The End is Nigh “

Neddy Seagoon is astonished, amazed to hear such things.

“ Neddy, times will get tough. It will be your job to spread the news that the only way to overcome the lurgy is to vote for a brass band or to vote for Joe Biden.

You may well ask, “ why Joe Biden? Why not Bernie? “

“ Because, Neddy, Sanders is dangerous. He is a Communist. At least with Uncle Joe, we can control him until he suffers a fatal attack of being strangled by toilet paper ( self administered of course ) and we can tip in the real villain. “

Neddy responds “ but who is the real villain? “

“Ahh” Moriarty replies “ That is for us to know Neddy and for you to find out when it suits us. “

Neddy, being Neddy, ponders for a time, wondering if there was a chance of a batter pudding at the end of the day and then asks “ so what do I have to do? “

Moriarty says “ Just what you are doing, Neddy. Buy toilet paper. This is vital. It will start panic buying all across the world. it is cheap and it can start a wave of panic buying. “

“ But why do you want panic buying? “ Neddy asks.

“ Because, dear Neddy, we want to bring down the world. “

“ But toilet paper? Why? “

Moriarty responds “ Why not? It has to be something Neddy.It is cheap, used in every household in the world and can start a trend of fear. “


While the world and Neddy Seagoon race around buying toilet paper, the toilet is being flushed and the plumbers are being called in.

Trying to get rid of the paper trails from the sewer that has infected our Governments?

Who knows?

I just wonder if our sewerage systems will be able to cope with the massive amounts of filth that we are about to see flushed from our elite?

I am not sure. Perhaps we can wipe clean and get rid of the bums, arseholes and pieces of shit who have so infected our lives for so many years… maybe the toilet paper rush is a sign that the left have under estimated us. We keep a clean house and we, unlike them, do not need to wipe our computers or bleach our lives for fear of being exposed as the filth that they are.

Their toilet paper plan has worked. So far. Panic has started. It has spread.

We have to stop being Neddy and start being logical.


Toilet paper was the catalyst used to start panic buying and we need to acknowledge that.

We are in for some tough times and we must trust that someone knows more than we do and is out there doing what is best.



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