Patriot Realm

By Ernest ‘Ember’ McTail, Special Correspondent. Serious News Division of Ratty News

The world watches. There he stands. Albanese. Our Prime Minister. Abandoned at the G7 -  flapping about like he just wandered into a Bachelor & Spinsters Ball with directions from a stylist, not a stock route. Would he have worn his fried eggs shirt? His tutu?  Who knows. Who cares. 

They say Australia was "invited" -  like a kangaroo asked to a lion’s tea party. Let me be clear: Australia wasn’t invited. Australia was summoned.

Because when the global game gets ugly, they all remember the big empty island with the secret bases, the uranium, the missiles, and the mates who say “no worries” even as the air raid sirens wail.

Well I’ve got news for you: Worry, Albo. Worry plenty wong. You can’t wear a Wallabies jersey and a Chinese silk robe at the same time. This game is about to get ugly. 

Albo was invited to the ball and got snubbed. Holding his corsage and his date was a no show. And my whiskers are twitching. 

But this article is not about World War 3 or about G7. It is about a hat. The Akubra. And what it stands for...... 

Australians should be well off. Where does it all go? And it's not just China. pic.twitter.com/AgMCZAqJ2y

— Francynancy (@FranMooMoo) June 16, 2025

This is the problem as I see it: The world is teetering on the edge of WWIII and Albo is rabbiting on about climate change, Net Zero and mean memes. Let us face reality: Albanese is a bigger vermin than I will ever be and he loves Chinese Cheese, Halal and Gay Pride. One thing he doesn't love? Australia. 

So why does he wear an akubra? Why does he pretend to be a hard working Australian Bush Rat when in fact he is black vermin born in the sewers of Sydney? 

He should never have donned the akubra, fellow Rattys. The Akubra isn’t just a hat -  it’s a heritage. First made in the early 1900s by Benjamin Dunkerley, the Akubra grew from the sheep's back, quite literally. Felted rabbit fur, wide brims, sweat-stained and sun-creased, it was designed not to look good, but to do good.

You don’t earn an Akubra by buying it. You earn it with weather, work, and toiling the land.

Yes, I am saying it.

His hat has never seen a drop of sweat. That Akubra he wears? It’s got more starch than a Sunday collar and no dent where the crown should be.

I know it still smells like the Myer menswear section. He needs to take it back and swap it for an Easter Bonnet or a gardening hat because that’s as close as he’s ever come to hard yakka.

Albo doesn’t speak for this place. Not for the people who work sun-up to sundown. Not for the old diggers whose boots still sit by the door. He speaks for boardrooms and ballot counts. Or should I say ballet? 

If you’re gonna wear a hat that carries the weight of the bush, you better earn the sweat that gives it shape.

Over recent time, " Handsome Boy " has worn an akubra which created shrill cries from galahs who have more brains than Albo. " I have been a galah all my life, but I would never wear an akubra to try and prove I am one. " said George, the gauntlet galah from Dusty Gulch. Yes, we here in Dusty Gulch, we know a galah when we see one and we know what that hat means. And more importantly, we know when it’s worn by a fraud.

You can wear an Akubra with pride. Gina Rinehart does -  not because she has to, but because she understands the soil it stands for. She’s poured millions into rural communities, mining towns, and the very bush that built Australia.

So does Greg Norman, a child of Mount Isa, who never forgot his outback beginnings even when swinging clubs on the world stage. His handshake is as firm as his fairway drive, and his Akubra .... sweat-stained and sun-blessed .... speaks of a life earned, not borrowed.

But Albo?

His Akubra’s got no sweat, no soul, and no right to sit on his head.

You see, this isn’t about fashion. This is about faith. Faith in the battler. In the bushie. In the idea that Australia owes its backbone to people who worked the land, not those who flinch at the first sign of a callus.

And now, while the eagle watches and the panda whispers, our so-called leader grins for the cameras.... betraying everything we were taught to protect.

Mayor Rex “Grit” Tindle didn't mince words:

“The last bloke who tried to wear an Akubra round here without earning it left with a possum up his dacks. Albo better know -  he don’t speak for us, and if he shames us again, the orange bi-planes will fly.”

A clean Akubra tells a dirty story.

It says, “I want the look of the land without the weight of it.”