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I lost my father a while ago and it was one of the saddest days of my life. This father, dear friend and stalwart defender and critic of me and MY life, passed away and I have not seen him since.

But I have felt his presence. Almost every day and almost always when I need him most.

I read a comment today on Gab from a man ( Roger Stone )  who was spending Mothers Day without her  and how it was difficult. I wanted to let him know that he is not alone. And he doesn’t need to miss her just because she has passed.

He said " I savor my memories of my own mother on this day. I miss her toughness in the face of adversity, strength , wisdom , and shrewd judgement of character every single day. I love you Mom "

 

So many people today feel that when a loved one leaves us we are suddenly supposed to shut down the contact – like “ unfriending “  someone on facebook or unfollowing someone on twitter. I say No. A thousand times no.

Just because our loved one is no longer physically with us, it does NOT mean that they are no longer with us.

In fact, I am as close to my Dad today as I was when we used to sit down and discuss politics, Life, The Universe and Everything together. Sure, I cannot hear his voice anymore. But I can FEEL it. I can feel his smile, his look of disgust or joy; his shaking of his head or laughing nod of acknowledgement when he agrees with me or questions what I have said or written.

I have so many loved ones who have passed in the last decade or so. My late and great dear and much beloved Uncle.

Another Uncle who fought ill health all of his adult life but still managed to drive a tractor, chop wood, jump out of an aeroplane and keep a smile on his face when suffering the inevitability of his impending departure from this earthly realm.

For myself, I like keeping people alive. Just because they are not here, does not mean that they are not somewhere else. We simply communicate in a different way.

In fact, I can stay in touch with my late Uncles and my late father because I CHOOSE to.

When I read the post today from Roger Stone who was missing his Mum because she had  “ moved away “ I could not help but think of so many people who think that death is the end of communication. 

The only people who stop us from staying in touch are those that decide that they must cease contact.

We don’t have to. And neither should we. The difference between life and death is a millisecond. How can one fraction of a second suddenly dictate that this loving friendship is over?  All that has happened is that we have lost the telephone line, the internet or the postal service. We just find a new way of staying in touch.

On my late Dad’s birthday or the anniversary of his passing; when I am feeling lonely or in need of guidance or help – I just reach out and lo and behold, a connection happens and I get a FEELING, a wondrous gift…

On my Dad’s important days, I do something I know he would like. It might be eating a “ goodie “ – his term for an indulgence like Maccas or a creamy doughnut full of real cream and strawberry jam. Later, I must confess, I over indulge with a tipple or three and  wake up the next morning telling him it was all his fault…. Strange how he rarely responds to me with an answer on those occasions.…. except to tell me it was my own bloody fault and not to blame him.

My advice to Roger Stone is to do something that he and his Mum would have done in the years gone by.  Cook, watch her favourite movie or take a walk in her favourite place. 

And that, dear friends, is what we all need to do. We need to cook, eat sticky date pudding, ( my Dad LOVED sticky date pudding ) watch “ The Four Feathers “ (original movie ), and do something that would bring us closer together to bridge the gap.  We need to talk with our loved ones who have simply moved away. We must never ever let them be unfriended, unfollowed or sent to junk mail.

It does not matter who your loved one is – talk with them and share with them. Stay in touch. Keep the lines of communication open . 

Sometimes, people move away and we are pleased to see the back end of them when they up sticks and leave our neighbourhood. But when someone leaves, who you love and will miss, stay in touch.  

I feel quite confident that you will be pleased that you keep them close at hand.  

tekouma

Photo of two trees (on the left ) planted when my parents visited that particular forest. The one that my Dad planted is leaning towards the one that my Mum planted. 

Mum is coming up 90 and still standing strong. 

 

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