A giant Kangaroo has been terrorising the residents of the isolated outback Australian Community of Beerswig Flats and locals fear it is the first of a new super breed of Rogue Roos infected by a mutant strain of Covid-19.
It has also been suggested that it is Russian collusion or something from the Ukraine. Locals believe it is a strain of Biden Bullshit, a highly virulent bio weapon hatched in a Pentagon funded Bio Lab in Kiev.
Johnny Walker, a life time resident of the town said " Putin and Trump are trying to prevent the takeover of our town. And I reckon that if there is one bio lab out here, I hope they bloody nuke it. If they don't. we'll blast the sucker to smithereens "
Other townsfolk feel the same way.
The town, situated on the edge of Sturts Stony Desert in the arid South West of Queensland, had its first night of horror in December last year.The Local Police Officer, who has requested anonymity, but identified as Adam Brandt's long-lost twin brother, ( from a different set of parents ) said that he received a phone call at the station at 2am on the morning of December 2nd.
No idea how that popped up here. I will ban it immediately.
"At first I thought it was one of the lads who'd had a few too many beers" he stated.
"But then I realised this guy was for real - he was genuinely scared."
The officer sped the 50 kilometres from his station along the track that led to the isolated barren homestead. What he saw will stay etched in his mind forever.
Nah.. happened again. Damn.. sorry guys.
"The guy had deep scratches down his face and chest - he was bleeding profusely. His wife had managed to clean the wounds up and she had fired him full of antibiotics from the Flying Doctor Chest that each property has for emergencies."
The Officer heard that the couple had been awoken around midnight by the sound of the dogs howling and barking.
"I thought it was a dingo or a feral pig" said the farmer. "Those b....ers often come in looking for a feed when we got a drought like this. They try for the pups or the young lambs."
He grabbed his shotgun and went out to "sort the swine out."
Instead, he saw a Kangaroo, standing taller than a man and in position for a fight.
It had ripped out the chest of one of the dogs and was starting on another.
Mildred, the farmers wife, said that she stood in horror as she saw her husband race forward to get in range to shoot the rampaging roo.
He raised the gun and fired - hitting it in the chest .Instead of going down, it turned on him and bounded forward .
Bill, (not the farmers real name - Mildred said that Hubert would not like his name published) crawled to safety under the truck that was parked nearby.
"I'd been meaning to fix that crate for months - thank goodness I didn't. If I hadn’t been able to crawl under the chassis, I reckon I'd be dead today."
The Roo bounced off in retreat, though from the trail of blood it was clearly wounded.
Locals mounted a search the following day and combed the mulga scrub for 50 km before losing the trail of blood.
Two weeks later, a property more than 20 km north of the first assault scene, the Roo reared its ugly head again.
The Police Officer confirmed that this had now become a regular occurrence and he had urged residents to lock up and not venture outside under any circumstances.
"We can't take this out of the local area" he explained. " The animal liberationists would be down on us like a ton of bricks if they heard we were hunting down a Roo like this."
A vigilante group of locals has been formed, and the area is patrolled every night by heavily armed 4 wheel drive vehicles.
Dulcie ( name changed to protect her identity) said she blamed it on Corona Virus.
“ This Roo is infected with a mutant strain of the virus “ she suggested. “ I reckon it made it go batshit crazy – kind of like rabies. I even heard its eyes have gone all squinty. ” She continued " I reckon it got the first variant - that loo paper one. Then it got the Poo tin one. Or maybe the Bidet Biden one. Whatever it is, it has something to do with the Russians and the squinty eyes. "
The local Publican said that a vaccine was already available and he had it on tap at the local pub. " We have Original, Delta, Omnicron and the latest Olympic Gold Medal available. We can make sure that everyone here is vaccinated every f##king day! "
Meanwhile, the whole town and surrounding area lives in a state of fear and siege.
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that he stands united with the people of Beerswig Flats and condemns whoever it is that he should condemn, as long as it's OK with China and Albo.
" He's still out there" said the cop " and he's still bloody dangerous. "
Yes, Scotty from marketing is bloody dangerous and he is still out there... mind you, so are Albo, Adam and the rest of the mob.......
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