Roderick McNibble and the Day Reality Went Missing

A Special Report from the Dusty Gulch Gazette Editor. 

There are days when an editor knows that something is not quite right.

Especially when your lead investigative reporter is a fedora wearing rodent trapped in abandoned mine under an invisible mountain with a wallaby sporting goldplated titanium knees, and a little mouse dressed in combat fatigues...   .

Then there are days when the roads turn blue, fish appear in potholes and the entire town begins to resemble a Sydney Mardi Gras gone wrong.

This was one of those days.

But before we get to that, we must return to the Dusty McFookit.

When Dusty came to the outskirts of town, having thwarted Prentis Penjani by drawing attention away from the real mission, he was puzzled. As was Tony the Emu who was still disguised as a camel. 

The signpost directing him to the Dusty Dingo with its eternal promise of " Free Beer tomorrow" had changed. It now read completely differently. 

"What in the name of McFookit has happened? " he thought, as he read the sign.  And what the blazes was a rusty flamingo doing in his town? 

Dusty McFookit had returned from his diversionary operation in high spirits.In desperate need of a shower and shave, but still feeling the adrenalin rush of his successful mission. 

Quite how much of the story had actually happened and how much had been improved during the retelling is something that may never be established.

By the time Dusty reached the pub, he had apparently outwitted Penjani, defeated the McSquawk Squawks, saved Dusty Gulch, protected Leonard the camel, rescued civilisation and possibly performed a small but important service for Australia.

Tony the Emu had wisely headed home for a well earned sleep. 

At the Dusty Dingo, the locals were delighted.

The Emu Brews were flowing. Dusty was in his element.

Prentis Penjani, meanwhile, had suffered the considerable indignity of being humiliated in front of his beloved squad of McSquawk Squawk cockatoos.

Again.

Prentis Penjani had headed off to a remote island in the South Pacific to recuperate. 

It had not been his finest afternoon, but he did feel important again.

For the moment, at least, all appeared well.

Back in Dusty Gulch Dusty McFookit had run out of steam and felt the need for a shower, a cup of tea and a hug from his beloved wife. In that order. 

He left the Dusty Dingo and began to head up the road to home. 

He stopped. He stared.

The road was blue. Not dusty blue. Not sky blue.

Blue Blue.

There were fish swimming in the potholes. there were rocks falling from clifftops that weren't there and even the rocks dropped on the ground but didn't land at all... 

The buildings had become brightly coloured.

The houses were rainbow coloured.

Even the general appearance of the town had acquired that peculiar cheerful unreality normally associated with a Greens political campaign video clip.

Dusty blinked. He rubbed his eyes.

Maybe he had drunk too much Emu Brew?

But, alas, no.

He looked back towards the Dusty Dingo.

He looked at the road again.

Then he went home.

Something was very wrong.

When Dusty opened the door, the house was empty.

“Maureen?”

No answer.

He searched the kitchen. Nothing. Then he saw the note on the table. It was written in Maureen's familiar hand.

Been arrested. I am about to go to the Tower. Rolling pin confiscated. Let the CWA know I won't be at the next meeting. Very important. Love Maureen.

Dusty read it twice.

Then a third time.

His first thought was his wife.

His second was Roderick. Roderick was still underground.

With Trevor.

And Leonard the camel, with the diesel that was supposed to save Dusty Gulch.

Dusty stared at the note.

“What in the McFookit is going on? Again?”

He reached for the communications equipment.

Nothing.

He was alone.

The Feline Force 5 had disappeared. Even their litter boxes were clean and untouched.

Something was terribly wrong.

There was only one person he could think of who might know what to do.

Which is where I entered today's story.

I am the editor of the Dusty Gulch Gazette.

I listened while Dusty explained what had happened.

The Arrest of Maureen McFookit

I had the sad task of telling Dusty what had happened in his absence. 

While Roderick (Whiskers) McNibble and Trevor were attempting to determine precisely what had gone wrong beneath Mount Gulch, Maureen McFookit had been having difficulties of her own.

It appeared that the Honkland authorities had finally caught up with her and her sonic rolling pin. Maureen had been taken into custody at the Tower of Wrong on suspicion of operating an unlicensed rolling pin.

This was not, strictly speaking, a crime recognised by the laws of Dusty Gulch.

But the Honkland authorities were not concerned about minor details. They had arrived with paperwork. This made the situation considerably more serious.

The rolling pin itself was entered into evidence.

The evidence objected.

Maureen did not.

It was generally agreed that Maureen was the more dangerous of the two.

Then I asked him a simple question.

“Have you been to Mavis at the CWA?”

“Not yet”

“Well, go now,” I told him, “Pronto.”

“I don't know why.”

“Neither do I.”

Another pause.

“But if Maureen thinks it's important, it must be.”

Dusty was already moving.

He found Mavis.

He gave her the news.

Mavis listened carefully. She did not panic. She did not waste time asking unnecessary questions.

She simply summoned an emergency meeting of the CWA.

“We have no time to lose,” she said.

And she was right.

Because while the ladies of the CWA gathered, Dusty Gulch continued to change.

The roads remained blue. The fish remained in the potholes. The buildings became brighter.

Dusty Gulch was not Dusty Gulch anymore. 

And somewhere beneath the town, something much worse was happening.

It was only later that we learned what was developing underground in the caverns below McFookit Peak.

Fifteen Minutes Earlier

Deep beneath McFookit Peak, Leonard's diesel had just been poured into the WDP.

For a few seconds, nothing happened.

Then the machine gurgled. It appeared to wince. It sneezed. It coughed. It spluttered.

Trevor looked at Roderick. Roderick looked at Trevor. Leonard looked at everybody.

Then the WDP began to shake.

A strange vibration passed through the machinery.

The lights flickered.

It was like a Tuvalu blackout.

Roderick's regrown whiskers stood straight out. The machine gave another enormous shudder.

Then it began to shriek. Not beep. Not buzz. Not alarm.

A Shriek. " Poison! " 

Roderick had investigated some extraordinary things in his time.

He had never heard a machine scream.

Then the WDP spoke.

“HELP.”

The underground investigators froze.

The machine shuddered again.

“CONTAMINATION.”

Trevor's titanium knees began to hum.

Roderick moved closer.

The WDP emitted one final, terrible warning.

“REALITY IS BEING LOST.”

And then the lights went out.

For several seconds there was complete silence.

Then Trevor's knees began to glow. His left leg suddenly began to vibrate.  A small compartment was revealed just in front of his titanium kneecap. Out slid a small communication device that mysteriously unfolded. 

The emergency message from Maureen had arrived, recorded minutes before her arrest. 

Roderick listened.

Maureen was in the Tower.

Dusty was above ground but in a state. The Feline Force 5 were missing. 

The town was changing. Everything was rainbow coloured and even the possums were protesting for the rights of pink and purple possums. 

The WDP was contaminated.

Had Leonard's innocent humps carried something into the Dusty Gulch Mine that nobody had thought to check?

There was no time for blame. There was no time for explanations. And there was certainly no time for another meeting about paperwork.

Roderick knew what had to happen next.

They had to get the WDP back under control.

Then they had to find a way to reach Dusty, rescue Maureen, find Feline Force 5 and find an antidote for the poison. 

And somewhere above them, the CWA was already mobilising.

Roderick adjusted his fedora. His whiskers twitched.

Then something happened that even Roderick had not expected.

At precisely the same moment, Roderick's gold tooth received a high-priority transmission.

It was from the CWA.

The message was brief.

“Mobilise the Pineapples.”

Roderick stared at the message.

Trevor stared at his knees.

Leonard stared at everyone.

And, for the first time, Roderick had a suspicion that the strange little sonic pineapples might have something to do with what was happening.

He did not yet know what.

I don't either.

But I have learned something during my time reporting from Dusty Gulch.

When a sonic pineapple is mentioned by the CWA and communication is recieved on a rat's gold tooth and a wallaby's titanium knees, it is probably best not to ask too many questions until you've found out what it is going on behind the scenes.

To be continued...