Special Propulsion Emergency Edition - “We Point So You Don’t Have To”
Filed from beneath the warped floorboards of the Wombat Burrow laboratory (an outpost of the Hangar) by Roderick “Whiskers” McNibble, Senior Correspondent, Rodent Division & Chief Whisker Engineer
Yes dear residents of Dusty Gulch, pointing is forbidden these days but fortunately in the Wombat Burrow, I can point all I like.
G’day, magnificent follicle-folk of the outback and beyond! While the nation waddles in panic at the pumps - diesel past $3 a litre, reserves scraping along at around 30 days, and Canberra twiddling its thumbs - your faithful rodent correspondent has been busy in the Wombat Burrow laboratory.
Hundreds of servos are dry across NSW, Victoria, Queensland, and beyond thanks to the Middle East mess choking the Strait of Hormuz. Energy Minister Chris Lowone lowers standards and releases reserves, but the feather-brained mob still can’t see the obvious: Australia needs home-grown thrust, not imported drama and net-zero duckification.
If we are not allowed to " Drill Baby Drill " there is only one alternative......
Whiskers Dynamic Propulsion Kits: Not Your Grandma’s Hyundai Upgrade
Forget waiting for the next tanker from the Strait of Hormuz. With a few simple modifications, your ute, truck, tractor, or even that old mining haul truck can be powered by pure Aussie whisker power.
Clancy the Cat. Not his real image. He is still in witness protection nowhere near Croc Country
How the WDPT Conversion Kit Works
- Core Component: High-grade, ethically sourced synthetic whiskers (or genuine possum/rat blends for the premium “Bush Edition” - harvested from willing volunteers under full moon conditions).
- Lubrication System: Integrated Emu Brew reservoir with precision drip-feed. One generous splash aligns the follicles with lunar pull for maximum thrust.
- Mounting Hardware: Bolt-on whisker arrays for bonnet, roof racks, or bullbar or roobar. Spiral rat-whisker configuration for torque-heavy applications (perfect for mining gear and road trains).
- Activation: A single authoritative twitch (via the included “Clancy Sneeze Lever”) generates dynamic propulsion that’ll out-thrust a Saturn V and leave your diesel-guzzling neighbours eating dust.
Proven Performance (according to ancient Clancy the Cat memoir archives )
- Single whisker twitch → Crocodile hits 40 knots upriver. Imagine that in your 4WD on the highway!
- Five synchronized possums → Dunny into low-earth orbit. Your mining truck could haul a week’s ore on one twitch.
- Full kit on a road train → Washington D.C. in twelve minutes, including a kangaroo passenger and a stop for a pie and sauce.
Pricing (Cash or Barter – No Digital Duck Dollars Accepted)
| Kit | Price | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Basic Ute Kit | $89.95 + postage | Family runabout sized |
| Heavy Truck / Tradies Special | $249.95 | Extra Emu Brew, reinforced spiral array |
| Mining Beast Edition | $799 | For diesel-guzzling yellow monsters |
| Deluxe “Tin Australia” Pack | $149 | Kit + 2 tins baked beans + Emu Brew + bumper sticker |
All kits come with easy-to-follow instructions.
Trevor Titanium Knees Takes Flight - WDP Conversion Delivers Monster Hops!
Local legend Trevor the Wallaby (still kneeless in spirit, titanium-kneed in body) has become the first volunteer for field-testing the new Dusty Gulch Emporium WDP Conversion Kit.
After bolting on the premium “Bush Edition” whisker array to his titanium knee braces and topping up the Emu Brew reservoir, Trevor reported unprecedented performance:
“Mates, these young knees were already shiny and strong after the big operation, but with Whiskers Dynamic Propulsion? I’m clearing fences that used to stop me cold. One twitch and I’m hopping like a young buck on a full moon - 15 metres easy, with enough thrust left to stick the landing in a tin of baked beans!”
Witnesses at the Dusty Dingo test paddock swear Trevor cleared the old ute wreck, the rainwater tank, and the CWA marmalade stall in a single bound. One synchronised possum twitch added extra lift, turning a standard wallaby hop into low-altitude reconnaissance.
Trevor’s verdict:
“The titanium takes the impact like a champ, but the real magic is in the follicles. No more puffing up hills. No more waiting for fuel deliveries from the other side of the world. Just lunar-aligned whisker power and a splash of Emu Brew. My knees have never performed better - and the ducks are quacking in envy!”
Trevor is now officially the spokeswallaby for the Mining Beast Edition kits. He’s been seen demonstrating how a WDP-augmented wallaby can assist in prospecting: one powerful jump scatters dirt for easy sampling, while the thrust keeps heavy equipment moving when diesel bowsers run dry.
Special Offer for Dusty Gulch Day:
Buy any WDP Conversion Kit and get a “Trevor Titanium Knee Upgrade Pack” free - reinforced mounting brackets for extra follicle torque and a commemorative “May the Whiskers Be With You” titanium knee sticker.
The Great Whisker-Powered Convoy to Canberra
While the feather-brained in Canberra push quality-lowering tricks, and polite requests not to panic buy, we in Dusty Gulch say enough is enough.
Trevor the Wallaby, with his supercharged titanium knees, will lead a mighty convoy of WDP-powered trucks and road trains straight to Parliament House.
No diesel. Just honest Aussie whisker thrust, Emu Brew reservoirs topped up, and a few spiral rat arrays for torque.
Picture it: dozens of road trains, utes, and mining beasts twitching in unison, propelled by lunar-aligned follicles. Trevor will hop point - scattering bureaucratic roadblocks like discarded meat trays at the Dusty Dingo when the diesel genset failed and the cold room went bugger up.
Their demand? A face-to-face with Prentis Penjani, the smooth-talking sustainability liaison officer peddling duck feathers and net-zero nonsense, while real Aussies sit stranded at empty servos. We’ll politely suggest he tries a WDP kit on his own shiny limo - or at least gets out of the way while Australia propels itself forward on pure, home-grown ingenuity.
While the rest of Australia waits in servo queues, we hop forward on pure Aussie follicle power. Tin up your sheds, oil the whiskers, mount your arrays, and join the twitch!
This is Roderick “Whiskers” McNibble signing off from the Wombat Burrow. Stay sharp. Keep your whiskers twitching. Trevor says: Keep hopping. Keep twitching.
Sometimes, the fate of a nation rests not on politics or power - but on a single whisker… and a pair of titanium knees leading the charge to Canberra.
It is WDP… or maybe we just drill baby drill. I mean, it would be simpler.. but not half as much fun.
May the Whiskers be with you. Oh, and do not miss out on the Dusty Gulch Gazette rolling off the press now! The Letters to the Editor are about to go off!
Late Bulletin: Will Prentis Penjani contact President Trump and access American Oil? Or will the Honklanders and Peking Ducks say no?
Late Late Bulletin: Search for Dusty McFookit called off. Sandwiches on sale at the Gulch Bakery. Half Price. " The least McFookit could do is stay lost until after the bloody picnic! " - Dulcie Sproutworth, CWA Chair of Sandwich protocol....this is a developing story......
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