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by James Conkey - guest post

I feel compelled to share this event that happened during the tragedy of the death of my brother Derek from his car accident.

What is this life? The hardest times of your lives will never be forgotten. The amazing part is what you see when you are looking back. As you walk through that next door, sometimes you have a moment, that you realize something else was also happening during that horrible time of life. There are things in life that we don't share with everyone. I have shared this with only a few close people since this occurred. (Thank you for listening when you did).

My brother was on life support and was brain dead. We have decided that we had to take him off life support. No decision or situation any family should ever go through. That dreaded day came. We were in his room and the nurses told us to go down to the lobby. The pain of the finality of this moment was horrible. Now this is a blur...Who was there?

I cant even remember and if you were you do not have to say anything about this day and I am sorry for just putting this out there. Why can't I remember who was there? I actually don't know, but there are details in my mind, I will never forget. We all went to the lobby to wait for them to bring Derek down. There was some family and friends there too. Most of these people do not even know this story as I never told them. It was early morning and lobby was not busy. I was pacing in the lobby.

A quite heavy set black nurse came out from a back room. She was walking my way. She comes right up to me and says "oh hunny, you need a hug"

I immediately started to hug her. I was thinking, this is a weird way to meet somebody. She just held me. I started to cry. She said to me as she held me "he's going to be ok. He's going to a better place" She stops hugging me and says "its my job is to help people. I have had thousands of jobs helping people. I have worked in hospitals, flower shops and lots of other jobs helping people" This was a strange moment. She told me Derek is going to a better place and that she was there for me. I started crying again. She just hugged me again.

They were a couple nurses bringing my brother down the hall and walked him over to a set of double doors. Whoever else was there walked through the double doors with Derek laying there. I followed and the nurse followed me. Through the double doors was another set of double doors. A couple of doctors came out of those doors to meet us in the small hallway. It was here they told us all to say our goodbyes as they were going to be taking him through that set of double doors and we could not follow. Everyone said their goodbyes.

The nurse that was stayed by my side this whole time said to say my goodbyes. I did and she gave me another hug. She told me she will take good care of him as she held me tight. As she let go of me, I looked and saw her name tag. Her name was Gloria. As she walked away with the doctors and other nurse through the double doors rolling Derek away knowing it would be the last time I ever saw him.

As I walked back out into the lobby, something intense came over me. The warmth and affect Gloria had on me was unforgettable. I wanted, no I needed another hug from her. I all of sudden needed to know why, why she said she was there for me? I needed to see Nurse Gloria again! I went to the desk in the lobby we have been in that morning. I went to the attendant at the desk. I asked her if she could call the doctor that took my brother in that back room. She said yes hold on. She picked up the phone and called. She spoke to the doctor and handed me the phone. I asked him if he was the doctor that took Derek. He said yes. I said can I speak to the Nurse Gloria that went back with him.

The doctor then said to me, there was no nurse named Gloria back there. I said she was the heavy set black lady, Nurse Gloria. he said no she did not come back there. I told him to meet me in between the double doors. I went back through the double doors to meet him. I said the black nurse that was in here with us, Her name was Gloria, when you took Derek back there. She went with you. He said, NO. No black nurse came back here with us and I don't know a nurse Gloria.

Now by the time the funeral came. Looking back on that event during the worst time of my life. Yes this is one of the worst times of my life. Rating way higher than this accident I was in myself. Maybe I will tell you all about that another time and my acceptance that it was supposed happen to me.

I was at the funeral and remember hearing Glory be to God. I was struck by a lightning bolt in my heart. Gloria Was "Glory" be to God. Nurse Gloria has been in my heart everyday since. Thank you "Nurse" Gloria for taking care of my brother.

God was there. God is always there. This is amazing Grace

Jamie Conkey

No, it is not Amazing Grace but it is How great thou art.

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