RETIRED BUSH COPPER GRADUATES FROM REDHEAD’S BOOT CAMP – WITH HONOURS (AND A NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR HIS SPLEEN)
Dusty Gulch, Somewhere Out West
In what locals are already calling the most expensive “welcome back” in recent memory, Bushie, the district’s much-loved retired bush copper, has officially graduated from Redhead’s Boot Camp.
Not by choice. And not gently.
Yesterday, while tending to routine equine duties, Bushie received a full-powered endorsement from one of Redhead’s four-legged instructors ... delivered squarely via the hind legs. Witnesses describe the impact as “a sonic rolling pin to the midsection.”
The result? A ruptured spleen, internal bleeding, and bruising that currently suggests he went ten rounds with a gravel truck… and lost on points.
Hospital sources confirm Bushie required a blood transfusion – generously supplied by Mrs Bushie (same blood type, excellent foresight) – but in a turn of good fortune, doctors were able to save the spleen through careful non-operative management.
Medical staff are reportedly impressed. Not just with the spleen’s survival… but with Bushie’s ability to maintain his trademark sense of humour while under the influence of industrial-strength painkillers.
From his hospital bed, Bushie issued the following statement via Mrs Bushie:
“Tell Redhead I just went to Boot Camp.”
“And tell PP I feel like I got hit by a sonic rolling pin.”
Classic Bushie. No fuss. No theatrics. Just straight-up Dusty Gulch grit.
Back home, the community has rallied in force. The top blokes and blokettes have been sending messages, meals, and the occasional highly questionable medical advice. One particularly talented local artist has already immortalised the incident in cartoon form ..... a piece destined to be framed in sheds across the district.
Highlights include:
- The culprit horse, proudly branded “Redhead’s Boot Camp”
- Bushie airborne, hat departing, stars engaged
- A suspiciously pleased dog observing proceedings
- And the now-iconic “I ❤️ Spleen” mug
Accompanying it all, a heartfelt note thanking Mrs Bushie and the crew who “saved me bacon… and me spleen.”
Bushie is expected to remain in hospital for several more days before being released to what doctors are firmly describing as light duties only for the next month or two. That means short iPad sessions are permitted ... but anything involving lifting, working, or re-engaging with large animals has been ruled out in the strongest possible terms.
Mrs Bushie, meanwhile, has been holding the fort – managing the home front, coordinating care, and delivering updates with her usual calm efficiency. She reports that while the bruising looks “shocking,” Bushie is in good spirits and already eyeing a return to commentary.
Medical Note for the Mates:
A kicked spleen is no small matter, but modern trauma care means most cases like Bushie’s make a full recovery. The spleen staying put is excellent news ... avoiding the long-term precautions that come with removal.
Final Word from the Gazette:
Bushie, you’ve passed Redhead’s Boot Camp with flying colours (and a flying hat). Rest up, mate. The district needs its retired bush copper back - just not in the firing line of any further “instructors.”
Light duties. No whinging. And maybe… give the horses a bit more personal space.
Mind you, we could do with a new graduate getting the boot, couldn't we?
Cheers,
Another proud graduate of Redhead’s Boot Camp
Monty
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